To The Mother With The Low Riding Sweatpants

First, please accept my apology for writing about you on my blog yesterday. And posting that unfortunate picture of you. (Although you did, in fact, squat in front of my in your Juicy Couture sweatpants and your butt crack was, in fact, right in front of me.) As I watched you trying to handle your son (the one my husband calls “Thug Boy”) melt down during practice, my heart went out to you. Because I have been there, sister.

I have removed the picture from yesterday’s post because, quite frankly, I would never want you to find it and sue me. Even though you don’t know my name, you could potentially come across said picture someday when our sons are married and you’re not nearly as skinny and harm could come to the 3rd and 4th generation of our families.

But I digress.

The truth, dear mother of Thug Boy, is that I was having a really terrible night last night and shouldn’t have even been blogging. You see, it was yet another night of being a virtual single mother – my husband thousands of miles away – and it just happened to be the Night Of All The Practices. And thunderstorms. And pouring rain. And a crazy dog. And bath night. And whatever else you can think of. So I took my frustrations out on you and the dog. The dog deserved it; you did not.

I realize that you were having a bad night too. Obviously being the mother to Thug Boy is no picnic. I’ve got my own problem child so I can relate. If I could offer you a little advice, though (presumptuous, I know, but I can’t help myself), it would be to recognize that Thug Boy has. got. your. number. And you have no idea.

The reason I believe this is true comes from the difference in his attitude when his daddy brings him to practice. He would never dream of telling his daddy he hates him or throwing a tantrum or screaming “IT’S YOUR FAULT” to his daddy. I’m not judging you – just suggesting you hide sometime and watch how his daddy handles him. You might learn a thing or two. Also, when you walked away from him, did you notice how he stopped crying instantly? I think that should have been a clue that he has you wrapped around his finger.

Trust me when I say that I have no room to talk. I have been the mom who told her husband he was being too hard on the boy. But I have finally learned to keep my mouth shut and learn from him. He’s a much better father than I am a mother.

Finally, for all his faults, we wouldn’t have won nearly as many games without your son. Because he is unwilling to observe the rules of the game (and the kids are only 6 so they let a lot of that slide), he has used any means necessary to steal the ball from the other team. (And sometimes from members of his own team. Hence the name Thug Boy.) But it’s that kind of aggressive play that lands you in the pros. Or in jail. Good luck with that.

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Sitting Here At Basketball Practice

So I had a few minutes…

Good grief! Somebody stuff that whistle down that coach’s throat!

…and thought I would write a quick blog post. Not really sure what to write about but I do have a couple of pictures to post.

Seriously – is that child crying AGAIN??? Clearly I am not cut out for this.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Pictures.

Oh. My. Word. That woman just totally squatted in front of me and her butt crack was showing!!!! I’ll try to snap a picture of her!

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So, here’s my new desk, in my new office (formerly known as the Guest Bedroom).

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Here’s my $600 mouth guard. One guess who got a hold of it.

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Yeah. Her.

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Samuel got cold eating ice cream and put on his coat.

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Samuel at his game last week.

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Peter decided he needed a home within his home. So he turned this cardboard box into his house. Go figure.

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Another view of my new desk.

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We moved the organ desk into the Dining Room. It looks great there!

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Bah, Humbug?

I have started writing this post 2 3 4  multiple times now, and each time, I have deleted everything I wrote before and started over – and not, as you may suppose, because what I had written previously was so bad! No, I keep starting over because each time, my mood swings and whatever I wrote before no longer reflects how I’m feeling about Christmas this year.

So I guess how I’m feeling is ambivalent. Wouldn’t that make a lovely Christmas carol? “We wish you an ambivalent Christmas…and a so-so New Year!”

But I think ambivalent is probably a more realistic perspective than it’s all good or it’s all bad. Not that many people do, in fact, walk around saying “Bah, humbug!” but from talking to some people and hearing about how terrible their life is, they might as well say it.  The truth is that this whole Holiday Season is made up of a whole bunch of normal, everyday kind of days, and mixed in with the good is the bad, whether we like to admit it or not.

So as I try to arrive at something close to a point, let me just say that yesterday was a bad day. The lights on the tree won’t all light up – and so after expending a whole lot of energy trying to figure out why, I’ve finally given up and have resigned myself to stringing an entirely new set of lights on the tree.  But this time I’ve gotten smarter! I’m using the indoor/outdoor kind with BIG BULBS! That way, it takes fewer lights to illuminate the tree!

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I considered just buying a whole new tree.  Until I saw this at Target.  Even worse is that the tree was really ugly.  I looked at Hobby Lobby, just to give it a fair shot, and learned that they have really pretty floor models, all of which say “Price Reduced!” then in small print “Sold out. Floor model not for sale.”.  Thanks for getting my hopes up, then dashing them.

Another reason yesterday was bad was because I haven’t finished my Christmas cards yet.  Because (THANK YOU U.S. POSTAL SERVICE) I’m having to go through and write on every envelope “Please note the new zip!”. Yes, our zip code has changed but we haven’t moved and our address is identical in every other way. Some idiot just decided there were too many people living in our zip code and changed the last digit. From a 4 to a 3.  Yeah, that’s not going to be hard for people to remember.

How can you have too many people living in one zip code? I mean, does it put too big a load onto one particular mail sorter machine? Couldn’t they have simply updated the machine, rather than put all of us through the excruciating pain of changing our ZIP CODE with every single company that needs our address? And to top it off, our zip is so new, it doesn’t even show up half the time!!! So when I order online, it’s always a shot in the dark – do I use my old zip, or do I chance it and use my new one??? And lest you think it doesn’t matter, I have actually lost entire orders because A) That particular system didn’t recognize my new zip or B) My entered zip didn’t match the zip on my credit card. It’s a lose-lose situation, if ever there was one.

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Here is what my kitchen island looks currently.  Have I mentioned that I am hand addressing my cards this year???  I’ve never done that before, I don’t think.  But because my computer had the virus, I couldn’t print labels.  Then, after every one was hand addressed, I was informed by my husband that we did not receive the usual address labels from State Farm this year.  So I had to go back and write in the return address.  That’s when I remembered that we have a new zip code.  And I think I’ve pretty well covered how I feel about that.

Add to that children who have decided they hate each other and a dog who should be nicknamed “Cujo” and you get the picture – yesterday was not good.

However, now that it’s over, I have to laugh a little about some of what happened. For instance, Matthew and Samuel have this ongoing battle about how Matthew spells Samuel’s name. Here is one of the joys of living with Matthew – he thinks Samuel should be spelled Samule. And it drives Samuel CRAZY. No matter how I try to stop Matthew from saying it and Samuel from asking, they just keep going at it.

So yesterday, at the dinner table, Samuel asked Matthew how to spell “Samuel” and Matthew responded in the usual manner so I told them not to speak to each other anymore. In return, Samuel turned to Peter and asked him how to spell his name. Peter answered “s-t-u-p-i-d”.

Yeah. He’s not a preteen or anything.

By the end of dinner, everyone had lost every privilege except bathing and going straight to bed.

However, this morning is decidedly brighter. The kids are at school for one last day before their 2 week break, and since today is a party day at school, they all woke up without alarm clocks and were ready to go 15 minutes early!!!!

Add to that the wonderful cold weather, the stack of firewood outside, a dog I can finally walk since the rain has stopped and you have the makings of a lovely day! My Christmas cards are almost ready to mail, my shopping is pretty much done, and – best of all – today I get to finally unload all these teacher gifts and not think about them again until next December!

So it’s not all bad! Who knows, maybe I’ll even turn on some Christmas music! Maybe I can find a song about having a mediocre Christmas.

Here’s wishing you and yours a very blah Christmas and an abnormally normal New Year!

Now, my Christmas gift to you – more pictures of my completely average children!

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Picked Peter up from 5th grade camp and he was all smiles – despite falling into the lake right before they got on the bus!  (Falling in the lake actually made his story THE most popular story from camp.  I’ve heard it retold multiple times.)

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Tuesday night, Samule Samuel and I went to his gingerbread house pajama party at school.  We had basketball practice starting right after, so we had to rush through making our house.

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Of course, Samule cared not one iota about the house and just kept eating candy.

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That is, he didn’t care about his house until I we finished making it.  Then he looked around and started complaining about how boring ours was compared to the ones with 2-3 stories.  I almost said – but bit my tongue – “Kid, you’re lucky you even got to come tonight.  Look around – the ones with the really cool houses have TWO parents here building their house!  You’ve got ME and we’re in a hurry!”

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Next up – practice – where Samule Samuel showed off his MAD SKILLZ…at doing the splits.

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The next morning, the roof had caved in on the GB house so I fed it to him for breakfast.  I figured it was payback for the teachers who fed him all that candy then sent him home with us.

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I almost bought this for my dog.  Until I remembered our dog would EAT IT FOR BREAKFAST on Christmas morning.  Mmmmmm…tasty!

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I had never actually seen a pair of these, but have read about them on various blogs.  And I have to agree…if you’re too tired to change out of your pajamas into ACTUAL jeans, then you should just stay in bed.  But you’ve gotta love the blurb “Pajamas you live in.  Jeans you sleep in.”.  Notice it’s actually TRADEMARKED.  Because good heavens – you would never want anyone to steal THAT gem of marketing verbiage!!!

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We Interrupt This Blog To Bring You This Special Announcement!

Okay, so you know how I’ve been writing about Hawaii and have been, well, kind of obsessed with the whole trip thing?  Guess what – it hit me today that it’s December.  And I have NOT ONE DECORATION up yet.  I have no Christmas cards mailed, addressed, stamped, or even signed.  I have only a handful of gifts bought – a mere drop in the proverbial bucket.  AND IT’S DECEMBER 5TH!!!!  TWENTY DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!!

Not that I’m panicking or anything.

So I got an email from Creative Memories reminding me that I have to order any gifts by December 8th in order to get them in time for Christmas, so I clicked through to their digital center and my mind drifted to someone – who shall remain nameless – who I think would really love some note cards.  I’m not going to order them because I already have too many ideas for that person but it occurred to me that many of you who read my blog may not know about the CM digital center.

The CM digital center is not like the site where you order scrapbooking products.  On this site, you can print photos, create all kinds of photo gifts, design and print Christmas cards, invitations – you name it.  In fact, while I was on my trip, our Christmas cards were delivered.  I debated whether or not to post it here, knowing that probably all of you will be on our card list, but ultimately I decided it was too cute not to share.  And not to brag (okay, maybe I’m bragging a little), but I designed the entire card this year!  In other words, I created it from scratch, mostly using some of the new techniques I’ve been learning from Pixels 2 Pages (you can purchase a subscription on my CM page).

Of course, anything you buy on the digital site will be credited to me, if you just put my name in as your consultant.  Don’t worry – I promise not to put you on any list or anything!  I’m not into all that pressure marketing stuff, and truthfully, I don’t like that CM is a direct marketing company.  The reason I don’t like that is because I don’t like it when people try to sell ME stuff through direct marketing.  But don’t tell them I said that.  I might lose my status as a consultant, and my discount along with it.

So, this concludes our special announcement.  Now back to your regularly scheduled program.  That’s right.  I have a video from my vacation, taken with an underwater camera off the coast of Maui.  It’s hard to believe that just a week and a half ago, I was snorkeling and today we had snow flurries.  Go figure.

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Want To Hear About Hawaii?

I’m aware that I’ve been a little, um, preoccupied with myself this week. And that I’ve been blogging about mundane matters like laundry and how tired I am and jet lag – so on and so forth. So to make up for it, here’s a little about our trip.

Wednesday: flew to San Antonio; spent the night with Bethany, Mom & Meredith close to the airport.

Thursday: got up early to head to the airport. Flew to DFW, where we had our last taste of Mexican Food…

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…then willingly climbed into a tiny seat where we stayed for EIGHT HOURS.

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I may or may not have kissed the ground as we stepped onto the jetway in Honolulu.

One thing I did do was start immediately taking pictures. Because pictures of the airport are always so meaningful.

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At least I wasn’t the only one.

When we got into the terminal, we were met by two people: a lady holding three leis and a man from Norwegian Cruise Lines. The leis were from mom! (Technically, so was the Norwegian Cruise Lines guy, but that’s irrelevant.)

We took a leisurely stroll through the airport straight to the ladies room. Then we identified our luggage so that a very nice, very strong Hawaiian man could load it from baggage claim onto our transport van. By the time we reached the Waikiki Marriott, it was dark.

(View from our balcony of Waikiki at night.)

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The very nice man who worked at the front desk at the Marriott upgraded our room so that we each had our own bed. It was awesome! I never even knew rooms existed with four beds!

I was so exhausted by the time we got to our room, I seriously couldn’t decide between eating or sleeping or showering first. In fact, I can’t remember now what we did that night, but I do remember being so so so happy to fall into that bed, and I remember how incredible the shower felt after all the traveling.

Our time on Oahu was not wasted, as mom had arranged an early morning tour the day after we arrived. I think we were initially worried about the fact that it left at 6:45am, but once Friday morning arrived and we were all awake at 4:30am, we realized how great the 4 hour time change was. Instead of it being 4:30am, to us it felt like 8:30am! By the time our tour bus left, it felt like 11am – which was a good thing since our tour bus driver was incredibly cheerful for that time of day. He could have been seriously annoying, but instead we enjoyed him thoroughly and by the time we returned back to our hotel around 6pm, we felt like we had a wonderful working knowledge of Hawaii and Oahu, in particular. But more importantly, we spotted a mall with a Nordstrom in it not far from our hotel!!!!

Here are just a few of the pictures I took that day on Oahu.

Here we all are looking chipper and happy before starting our tour of Oahu!

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Wall of names at Pearl Harbor:

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Greg, our tour guide:

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Greg said he actually had someone ask once if this model of the airplanes the Japanese flew over Pearl Harbor was life size. Seriously???

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I think the thing that most surprised me about Oahu – and all of the islands – were the mountains. I expected beautiful beaches and greenery and flowers. But I was not prepared for the majesty of the mountains. Just caught me off guard. Our tour guide on Hilo actually said the two volcanoes that make up that side of the big island (Hawaii) are the two tallest in the world – if you measure from the base to the peak. The reason this is true is because the base is rooted in the earth’s crust, way below sea level. But even though it doesn’t look that tall, they do get snow from time to time so they can actually ski in the morning and surf in the afternoon! But it’s difficult to ski since there are no ski lifts and you have to HIKE up to the top of the mountain.

I think I’ll stick to surfing.

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Mahalo Means “Big Tip Please!”

[Updated to correct what I now realize was a grievous mistake on my part. It's not Maloha. It's Mahalo. SORRY HAWAII PEOPLE!]

[Note: I wrote this post onboard our ship when we did not have internet access, then forgot to post it once we were back in range. I'm posting it now, even though the date should read 11/24/2011.]

I’ve learned some more Hawaiian. Well, “learned” might be a strong word since I can’t remember any of it at the moment. Maybe “exposed” would be a better description: I’ve been exposed to some more of the Hawaiian language. Like how to say Good Morning versus Good Afternoon.

Today, I took an excursion to Volcano National Park (where I saw smoke from a real volcano!)

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and the whole day, our tour bus driver kept trying to teach us the difference between Good Morning and Good Afternoon. But seriously, all these words have started to sound alike. Kilawhatever and malahawhathaveyou. There are a million variations on the same word.

Which is why when someone says Aloha to me (which is every five steps onboard the ship), I respond with a mumbled version of “hi” which may or may not sound a little like “alohi”. Because I’m just that rebellious.

No, these people on our cruise ship are SUPER nice and we’ve all been impressed with how upbeat and helpful they all are. Like they are on speed or something, really, which is the only way I can visualize being so nice all the time to random strangers.

Of course, they have more incentive than just doing a good job. They are all hoping for a big tip at the end of the week…along with every tour guide, taxi driver, concierge, bell captain and waiter we have met since arriving in Hawaii. I mean, let’s face it – Hawaiian industry is rooted in tourism, and tourists like to tip. But truthfully, I don’t mind tipping when someone carries my 50 lb. bag for me, or gives me a free Pepsi even though he should have charged me and brings us hamburgers when we aren’t supposed to order room service (oh Bhas, I’ll miss you so!). But when I go to the coffee bar and order – oh, I don’t know, let’s say A COFFEE – and then pay $6 for said cup of coffee, I don’t feel obligated to tip that particular barista. Just like I don’t feel obligated to tip at Starbucks unless the person goes out of their way to be helpful.

Here’s a picture of the John Adams Coffee Bar onboard our ship:

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(I have to admit that I waffle a bit on the Sonic tipping issue – sometimes I tip and sometimes I don’t, but not based on the server’s speed or attitude – just based on my mood because I can’t quite decide whether it’s necessary or not. Is Sonic not a fast-food restaurant? And because of that, doesn’t that make them on par with McDonald’s? I would never think of tipping at McDonald’s, so why Sonic? But then, at McDonald’s, the servers don’t don skates and bring your order to your window. Nor do they smile or even pretend to be cheerful. But I digress.)

In the end, though, I don’t mind all the “Aloha’s” and “Mahalo’s” because it’s part of the added charm of being in Hawaii. Just like part of the charm of being on the campus of Texas A&M University is hearing all the students you pass say “Howdy!”.

Hmmm…Now there’s an idea! The next time someone says “Aloha!”, I’m going to respond with “Howdy!”. Except that then I would probably have to stop and explain that although I’m a full-blooded Texan, I’m not a cowboy (cowgirl) who wears spurs and boots everywhere. Which is the perception many of the people we meet have of Texans.

Images like this don’t help:

(Wall murals made out of tile inside the “Lazy J” Restaurant onboard the ship)

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Or this one (notice the glass behind mom – there’s a cowboy on a bucking bronco):

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However, this one is pretty accurate:

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What? Doesn’t everyone have oil wells in their back yards?

Of course, I was shocked to arrive on Oahu and learn that over a million people live in Honolulu and that they have – among other things – THREE APPLE STORES and a mall with NORDSTROM and MACY’S and even (gasp) a VERA BRADLEY STORE!!!!

And with that, my image of a bunch of tan natives wearing grass skirts and leis was destroyed.

God bless the USA.

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So Here’s What I’ve Been Doing This Week

Because I know my personal life holds so much interest for everyone, I thought I’d give a quick run-down of life, post-Hawaii.

Monday: Loaded pictures from multiple cameras and cards onto computer. Began to experience computer problems involving multiple reboots and much frustration. Also slept. Because the lag as we call it, is a killer. (We being me. Because I’m a total dork.)

Tuesday: Began creating multiple albums on the Picasa website into which to upload all my pictures. Because each album holds only 1000 pictures. Whose stupid idea was that?

Also began noticing even more computer problems. And, because Brad installed my new dryer Monday night, I began the dreaded process of unpacking and (UGH) doing laundry.

Wednesday: Laundry. And then, more laundry. Gave up on computer and just shut it down. Then did – you guessed it – more laundry.

Thursday: Computer crashed. Got multiple messages about hard drive crashing, RAM temp being too high, etc. Some new “Windows Repair” program kept trying to fix it but could only fix part of the issues. Spent hours removing programs before realizing the new “Windows Repair” program was actually a VIRUS that was CAUSING all the problems. Started running full scan of computer using anti-virus software that will take all night. Started wishing for more laundry to do to take my mind off of computer. Went grocery shopping and got my oil changed instead.

Friday: Tomorrow, my plan is to IGNORE my computer and spend my day dressed in my new Hawaiian dress, jewelry, and hair flowers, practicing the Hula while staring at my vacation pictures. And repeating the Hawaiian words I learned to my dog. All two of them.

Mahalo and Aloha

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Home…Sort Of

Beginning Saturday at 5:40am (Hawaii time), we started our long journey back to Texas.

At 5:40am, I woke up in my bed on the cruise ship and couldn’t go back to sleep…

My bed on the cruise ship (fold out couch)

…so I watched Oahu grow bigger and bigger on the horizon from our balcony, until we docked around 7:30am. We finished packing, went to breakfast one last time at the Lazy J…

Mom in the Lazy J

…then headed down to the port where the rest of our luggage awaited.

Our flight from Oahu to the Mainland wasn’t until 9:35pm, so we took the airport shuttle, checked in our luggage at the Delta Kiosk, then rented a car for the rest of the day. Despite a little rain, it turned out to be a GREAT last day in Hawaii. We had massages, saw a movie, ate a wonderful lunch, and shopped at the Honolulu Vera Bradley store!

But the time eventually came when we had to return our car and board that sardine can airplane for our 5 hour flight to LAX.  At LAX, we had about an hour before we boarded our 2 hour flight to Salt Lake City, where we had to run to make a connection (33 minutes from the time we landed in Salt Lake City until the flight to San Antonio took off)…

View of Salt Lake City from window of airplane

…then another 2 hours until we landed in San Antonio.

That’s when it got really hard. After 10 days together, our foursome had to part ways.

Mom, Bethany & Meredith went to get their cars out of security parking and find somewhere to eat lunch before Bethany headed to Austin and Mom and Meredith headed to Pearsall. Meanwhile, I switched airlines from Delta to Southwest, which meant claiming then rechecking my bags, going back through security, then boarding yet another airplane for the last leg home.  Thankfully, because we made the Salt Lake City connection, I was able to get on a much earlier flight to Dallas. I was landing at Love Field by around 4:30pm Sunday.

The highlight of my day was when I exited past security and four familiar faces were waiting to surprise me.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in all my life. In a heartbeat, I had thrown my bag on the ground and had three little boys hugging and kissing me, with all our tears mixing in the blur of cheeks and lips and foreheads and little arms wrapped around my neck.

Then I spotted my sexy husband, standing back, waiting for the boys to finish their reunion with me. He looked amazing in his navy sweatshirt and jeans – I don’t think I’ve ever loved him more – or been more grateful to have him all to myself.

We went to eat Bar-B-Que – pure nirvana after eating Hawaiian food for almost 2 weeks – then headed home. It was very odd to see all the Christmas lights and experience the cold weather dressed in my t-shirt, jeans and sandals, but I guess it’s time to face the truth – Christmas is just around the corner.

And so, after what felt like a week of not sleeping, last night I fell into bed and thanked God for seeing me safely home.

At 7am this morning, I woke up with only one question going through my  mind: WHY IS IT SO DANG BRIGHT OUTSIDE THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING???

But despite my exhaustion and confusion over all the time change, I managed to get the boys – clothes on – to the door of the school just a second or two shy of being tardy.  Which I consider to be a major victory, given the jet lag and all.

Then I came home and drank two cups of Kona coffee and when I couldn’t stay upright another minute, crawled back under the covers and slept until the dog forced me to get out of bed at 11:30am.

That was 2 hours ago and I’m still up, so I guess that means I’m on my way to conquering the jet lag.

Excuse me while I just put my head down here on the keyboard for just a second…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

[Update: I wrote this post Monday, and almost got it up before my computer crashed.  After fighting with my computer for a while, I gave up and decided to try again Tuesday...when I discovered our internet access was down.  Now it's Wednesday and I've just gotten up from another 2 hour nap and I think if the stars are aligned correctly, this might even go live today.]

 

 

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Pu Pu Means Cows

Our first full day in Hawaii was spent touring Oahu. So after traveling from 9am to what would have been 9:30pm CST, we got up at 4:30am local time for a 6:15 tour.

Our tour lasted approximately 12 hours.

We saw Pearl Harbor, Dole Plantation, some temple, a Macadamia nut store, some spectacular scenery and some other stuff I can’t remember right now.

But the highlight of my trip so far came when we were at the top of the mountain at some lookout point and I got to see the actual island where they filmed Gilligan’s Island and sing with my sister and mother (my SIL is too young to remember the show), “The ship set sail on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gilligan, the Skipper too, the Millionaire and his wife, the Movie Star! The Professor and Mary Ann HERE ON GILLIGAN’S ISLE!”

To say I was a fan would be an understatement.

And to say I am completely exhausted would be an even bigger understatement.

Which is why I’m going to post a few pictures and call it a night. Good-night all. And since the only Hawaiian I can remember right now is that Pu Pu means cows, i will not try to say good-night in Hawaiian.

It would probably just end up being some version of the word “Aloha” anyway.

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Back On The Ground…Thankfully!

Well, after 8 hours, we’re back on the ground and I must say, I’VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER TO TOUCHDOWN. No human should be expected to stay in a seat smashed in between two people for that long.

But it may end up being worth it.

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ALOHA!

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