Britany's Blog

I was watching an episode of Super Nanny recently and she told the parents to use marbles to reward good behavior. So we have started a marble system.

I have to admit to being desperate at the time of induction. At first, the marbles represented 30 minutes of Nintendo, TV, or computer time (what we call “screen time”). If they disobeyed, we would remove a marble. The problem occurred when Samuel lost all of his marbles (pun intended) then had nothing left to lose. So now they cannot lose their marbles – just redeem them for their reward. The consequences come in the form of time outs and loss of privilege. This is especially effective when they are using one their marbles to have screen time, then lose the privilege (and that marble) for poor choices.

I really like this system of discipline because the marbles serve as a reminder for us to praise the kids and give them positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, when they lose a privilege, we try to word it this way “I’m so sad you made that choice! Now you won’t get to finish (blank).”. It’s called “the language of choices” and it serves two purposes: to help the boys take ownership for their wrong behavior (they also have to tell me what they did wrong and what they should have done before they are allowed out of time out), as well as maintain our relationship.

I think one of the most destructive things we did with the boys early on was to take everything they did wrong so personally. As a result, we often got angry with them and our relationship was temporarily severed. Besides mirroring our anger back at us, they also had no outlet for their feelings. By cutting them off, we gave them no way to work through the situation. This new way puts the burden on them, and they can still remain close to us.

Well, that’s my update for today. We continue to work toward getting everyone back to full health after another round of Strep, and I’m hopeful that once that is done, we can finally start to get back into some sembelence of normal around here. Maybe I can even get the garage sale stuff out of my living room!!!

(The pictures are of our living room, the blocks are at the pediatrician’s office, and the marble buckets – not necessarily in that order.)

This has been a strange week, health-wise. Peter had fever, sore throat & headache last Thursday through Sunday. By Monday, he wasn’t completely well, but felt good enough to go to school.

As I wrote previously, Brad and I started having similar symptoms last Saturday and Sunday. Then there was Samuel’s rash on Monday that sent us to the dr. on Tuesday, but it was negative for strep. Tuesday night was when he came down with the croupy cough and he was feverish off and on Wednesday. Meanwhile my symptoms have gotten worse until I finally went to see the doc myself today and was diagnosed with a sinus infection. I was leaving my doc talking on the phone with Samuel’s, trying to figure out whether or not he should be seen again. He was lethargic and coughing a bunch today. We agreed I would watch him for a day but after nap, his temp went back up so I called to see what I should do. Praise God, there was a 4:30 cancellation in Frisco!!!

So off we went to to doc for a third time this week. They did a nasal swab and throat swab, testing for both flu and strep. The doc was betting on flu because the headache, sore throat and fever are the top 3 symptoms she is seeing this year. Even as I was mentally adjusting to this news flash – for some reason, I thought if there was no stomach issues involved, it wasn’t the flu – the results came back negative for flu and positive for strep.

Of course.

But the good news is that Peter and Brad are both by all appearances shaking it off, and I’m now on an antibiotic…so that just leaves Matthew.

Matthew deserves a paragraph – probably an entire blog – all his own. Let’s just say he has some issues with Kindergarten that he’s not resolving as quickly as we would like. He’ll get there – it’s just taking time.

As for me, I’m spent. Just drained. But please don’t misunderstand me. We are managing better than you might think. Brad is at football practice with Peter right now and much to our delight, Peter LOVES football!!! He was so pumped after practice last night! And I’m tackling the laundry monster one basket at a time. I am hoping to just do one thing tonight – scrub the kitchen! Oh and thanks to one of my neighbors who I met last week, I have the name of someone to come clean my house and they sound WONDERFUL!!! If I play my cards right, I will have just enough money left in my wallet by the end of the month to pay them for one cleaning. Of course, I haven’t called sooner because I keep waiting until I have the time and energy to clean up before they come. Yes, I did just admit to cleaning for the maids. Crazy, I know.

So all that to say, don’t cry for me, er, us! We’re just passing through one of those sick phases of life that makes you consider bathing your children in Clorox then locking them away for the rest of this year. And since I can’t do that, I’m going to spend what little energy I have left bathing them in normal water and scrubbing the kitchen with Clorox!

[Since this is my personal blog, I am going to use it today as a sort of journaling tool to help me work through a problem.  If you want to come along with me, feel free - but know in advance it will probably be long.  And boring to anyone who is not me.  So consider yourself forwarned.]

I have a confession to make: I am feeling sorry for myself today.

To be completely honest, I have spent a great deal of my life feeling sorry for myself.  But since I started going through counseling, I have learned to take responsibility for myself.  For instance, I have learned that no one and no thing can MAKE me depressed (or angry or whatnot).  My skin is a God-given barrier between me and other people, and I get to choose how I react to what they do or say.  I am the one who makes myself depressed – and I am the one who can get out of a depression.

But I have to want to, and so far today, I have not wanted to.

Not that I like feeling this way – it’s horrible.  I described it once as being in a dark whirlpool with the current pulling me down, down, down.  It’s a very helpless feeling – but like I said, that feeling is a primary lie Satan uses to keep me down.  I am NOT helpless.  I get to choose how I will react to life’s circumstances today.  So enough theory – here’s the reality of the situation.

About four weeks ago, I was able to put Samuel in two-day-a-week Mother’s Day Out.  For the first time in a long time, I have a couple of days a week to be completely and totally alone.  Now for someone who is outgoing, that would be a nightmare, but for me, an introvert, it’s a dream come true.  I thrive on alone time.  I LIVE for alone time.  And even better, this buys me six sweet hours of alone time – at home.

If there is anything better than being alone in my own home, I am not aware of it.  I putter about.  I play on my computer.  I take long showers, then dry my hair – slowly.  I do laundry.  I sit outside on the porch swing.

(As a side note, one of the most important parts of my therapy has been learning how to nurture myself.  It’s kind of a long story but the bottom line is that I was all strung out, trying to be someone who kept everyone around me happy – and I was completely miserable.  I finally realized that as an adult, I have to become responsible for taking care of myself – no one else has been charged with that duty, not even Brad.  And that means I have to stop worrying about what other people think of me.  I had a great help with this – it’s a book entitled Approval Addict by Joyce Meyer.)

Back to my point.  We started Mother’s Day Out and it was heavenly.  Then last Thursday, Peter had a fever and Matthew had ear pain so I kept them home and took Samuel to MDO.  What a beating.  Instead of having the day to myself, I had two sick kids with me who were delighted to be out of school and could not stop talking.  All day.  Nonstop.  Until I thought I would scream.  Plus, it was like the fourth or fifth week of Brad traveling in a row.  I am not exaggerating.  He has traveled every week since school began.

That was last week.  By Monday, Peter was well enough to go to school but I was sick and so was Brad.  And then, Monday night, Samuel started complaining about his bottom and I discovered he had a rash.  This happened about a month or so ago, and it was strep.  I could not in good conscience take him to school – although I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about it.

You can already see where this is going.  I kept him home Tuesday – his MDO day – but the earliest appointment I could get was at 4pm.  There went all my hopes of testing him early in the day and possibly still taking him to school.  No, I had him home with me all day Tuesday.  It actually wasn’t bad because he just had that weird rash and so we did a bunch of errands together.

The strep test was negative!  And there was much rejoicing and the angels sang and I looked forward with much anticipation to today, Thursday – the day I would finally get to send everyone to school and spend some time ALONE.

Then, it happened.  Tuesday night – actually, Wednesday morning around 1AM – we had one of the most frightening experiences parents can have.  We could hear one of the kids coming downstairs, gasping for a breath.  We raced to the stairs and it was Samuel.  He was burning up with fever and couldn’t get a breath.  Then he coughed, and he was barking like a seal.  Thankfully, this wasn’t my first experience with croup so I grabbed him up and carried him to the rocker.  We got him a drink of water and some Tylenol, but most importantly, we got him to calm down.  For whatever reason, when they have croup, their airway tightens and they wake up having trouble breathing.  This causes them to panic, which causes their airway to restrict even further and they find themselves struggling to take a breath.  Once they calm down, and once the Tylenol takes affect, they are okay.

So we put Samuel in bed with us where he stayed for 30 minutes, until I couldn’t take him toenails digging into my legs.  I took him back to bed then tried to fall back asleep but ended up going to read about croup for a while in case it got worse during the night.  I guess there’s was quite an adrenaline rush in my system.

So here it is, Thursday.  After last week, I really needed my two days of MDO to recover.  Instead, I have had none.  For the first time since school started, Brad’s not traveling – but instead he’s worked late every night.  I am exhausted.  And sick.  Did I mention that Brad and I both caught the virus Peter had last week and it has now turned into a sinus infection?  My theory is that it’s the same virus that manifested itself as croup in Samuel.  Meanwhile, Samuel is better but still not feeling great which means he is fussy and demanding.  And thus, the pity party.

But now that I have written all of that, I want to stop and tell you why my pity party is about to come to an abrupt halt.  I read my sister’s personal blog this morning and there was an entry from last week that took my breath away.  Since this is already a long post, I won’t go into all the details but the bottom line is that last week, they closed on the parade house they have been carrying for two years.  It’s been an amazing thing to watch them – especially her – walk through this trying time.  But even more amazing has been the front row seat from which I have been privileged to watch God at work in their lives.  It’s been – well, indescribable really.  God has stood back at times and left them wondering if they were going to lose everything.  He has left them to wonder if they made a huge mistake.  Then – when all seemed lost – He stepped in and moved in such a way that no one could ever doubt that it was a God-sized miracle.  He attended to every detail, and His timing was so sweet, it was as if He was speaking words of love through His every move.  He has been so tender with them, and it is incredible to see that.

And it made me think about how God moves in each of our lives in such a unique way.  If I were to try to explain how this thing or that thing was clearly God, you might not get it.  It’s the same way in my life.  I have been reticent to tell many people about going to counseling because I was afraid they would judge me, but I only have One who is qualified to be my Judge.  I guess that’s my point: a lot of people – including my sister – made judgments about their decision to build that home.  But there was only One who was qualified to judge their decision, and in the end, He so clearly placed His stamp of approval on it.

Back to my pity party.  When I read that blog entry this morning, it was as if a rope was thrown down into my dark pit.  I could see my way out for the first time.  All I have to do to get out of this cycle of self pity is choose to accept that today – all of the good and all of the bad – was designed by God and meant for good.  Today, Samuel is the tool God is using to shape me.  Croup is the edge of the knife with which God is going to scrape off something on my heart I don’t even know is there.  For my sister, it was the house that sat on the ground for two years.  And just like her, I have a choice to make.  I can react the way I have been thus far today – or I can choose to look for God in everything that happens.

I won’t lie – I’m not really happy about it.  I’m sitting here with my head throbbing, dressed in the same clothes I have been wearing for a couple of days now, wishing I could take a shower.   I haven’t combed my hair, washed my face or brushed my teeth – and it’s 10:30AM.  I want another cup of coffee.  And the piles of laundry are calling my name.

Also, as I sit here trying to finish this post in some coherent way, I am listening to “Here is your house, Mommy Look at it These are walls Do you see it, Mommy [coughing fit] This is the door wall When you gonna be done Know what it does  Ta da Look Mommy Are you never gonna be done?” etc. etc. ect.

Croupy Samuel

It’s not going to be an easy day.  I may not get a shower or have time to brush my teeth.  But what matters today is the thing God has deemed important – Samuel.  Not my day off.  Not my own needs.  Not even those piles of laundry.  Those will all have to wait.  Because that little boy IS my ministry, and God will judge how well I minister today.  I can’t do it with my eyes fixed on myself.  That little voice calling my name is God’s way of taking my eyes off my problems and looking for the blessings in today.

Now, if you will excuse me, my son needs my help building a house with his Pop Ons.

I got a couple of cute pics from Matthew’s middle-of-the-week party and thought I would share with those of you who couldn’t attend:

The Batman cake!

Our neighbor's little girl poses

Matthew sent her a love note after the party...

Uncles rock!!!

We took our last swimming lesson for the year last week, and everyone has progressed nicely.  Peter can now swim the width of the pool alone, and has made it the length of the pool with some help.  I am confident if he fell in, he could swim to the side.  Matthew, well, Matthew was able on the very last lesson to put half his face underwater, and I’m pretty confident that he won’t go near a body of water without a flotation device or never again if he can help it.  (Let’s just say, Matthew does not like to get his face wet.  Which tends to make swimming a little bit difficult.)

Then there is Samuel.  Samuel LOVED swimming lessons, and will bravely tell anyone that he can jump off the diving board into the deep end and swim to the other end!  But in reality, he was only finally willing to jump into Mrs. Jenni’s arms the very last lesson.  He talks big, but I think he knows his limits and respects the water enough to keep himself somewhat safe.  (Although I would not trust him for  a minute because I’m his mom.)

So here are the last of the swimming pictures.  It was a great experience and we can’t wait for Spring to come so we can start up again!

You can see how much Matthew enjoyed swimming.

Matthew's face is almost underwater!

He reached down and got the ring!

Success! We ended on a good note.

Peter jumps in, then swims to the surface - unassisted!

Peter swims without any help!

He make look like he's drowning, but he's not!

Samuel is not so sure about jumping in...

...but he did it!!!

And so ends another happy chapter in our lives.  Onward and upward.

It takes a pretty big event for me to make that statement, given that I have experienced a few really unexpected things in my life.  Like the time I was riding a horse through the creek at home and it decided to lie down and roll over in the water that was up to his belly.  Or the time we were looking at some oddly large-sized eggs on the shore of one of the tanks behind our house and the mother alligator lunged out of the water with her mouth open.  Or in my more recent memories, there was the time I was helping one boy clean up a potty training mess while the other boy managed to pull over the gate and wedge it between his closed door and dresser.  I almost had to call the fire department that time, but was able to talk him through pulling it out of the way.

So all that to say, when I couldn’t find my camera this morning, it did cross my mind to ask Samuel if he had seen it.  What I could not have guessed was that he would lead me to his room, get down on belly and reach underneath his changing table to retrieve several “treasures” that he had “stole” (his words).  The hole through which my camera and other assorted items were shoved was about half an inch high.  Here’s a picture – and as you may guess – I didn’t take it.  Just to clarify, the camera and other items were UNDER the dresser.  I think only his tiny fist could fit through the hole:

Samuel's treasure box

Here’s another one I found on my memory card:

Carpet, close up and personal

But here’s my favorite, probably because it tells the whole story without using a single word:

The culprit

So I have had THE WEEK. You know, the week where…the dishwasher breaks. And the son gets sent to the principal. Again. And the husband is travelling. Again. And a bird flies onto the patio and dies. And the crickets decide they prefer to live inside instead of out in the wet grass. And two of the three boys is home sick from school – on my day off. And so on and so forth. Like I said: THE WEEK!

In the midst of all this, I am learning that my coping skills are greatly reduced by a lack of sleep. So I took a nap today. I’m also realizing that I have to give myself permission to let go of everything. Everything except the one thing I am doing right now. Also, I have reverted to setting my timer for 15 minute intervals so I can focus on one thing at a time.

(The key to the timer, I have learned, is to first set it for 15 minutes of job time for the boys. Once they are done working, they tend to disappear for a good 30-45 minutes until a scout comes by to see if it’s safe, then reports back to the others.)

I would like to be all ooey gooey and claim that all the stress is worth the lessons learned. But it’s not. Given some time perspective, I will probably be able to say that, but not yet. For one thing, it’s not over yet. Peter’s still running a 102.7 temp that spikes up when the motrin wears off. For another thing, Brad’s plane hasn’t landed yet. And I have learned not to count my husbands before they have walked back in the door. But I’m sure one day I will look back on all of this and…well, maybe smile. A little.

On another note, is it strange that I dreamt last night that I was in the shower and walked out to the sound of a vacuum running upstairs, only to discover that someone randomly rang our doorbell, the boys answered, let them in, and then they started cleaning our house as a free demonstration of their services? Kind of like the door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesmen of old, only this was a maid service and in my dream I literally started crying with relief when I realized they were going to clean my house for free. (Apparently, when I dream I am a lot less concerned about the boys letting complete strangers in the house than I am about the house being dirty.)

Well, on another random note, Samuel’s new backpack came in yesterday and it makes me smile to see the three side by side. Can you believe we got that awesome L. L. Bean backpack and lunchbox – a $74 set – FREE because my husband is willing to click on ads? It really adds up over time.

Despite the great savings on the backpack, I am running low on cash this month. Last month was our first to start using cash to help control our spending and I did great, just like I predicted. This month, not so great, also just like I predicted. I tend to have a personality that puts a lot of effort into something that’s new and exciting, then I lose interest. The cash game was fun when I was winning but now that I’m only halfway through the month and running out of cash – not so fun. Well I guess this month I will get to learn how to streeeeeeeetch my dollars!

Well since I don’t want to end this on such a depressing note, I will end it with whatever pics I can find here on my phone. Hopefully one will help you drag yourself out of the funk that reading this has more than likely put you into. Good luck with that and…I’m sorry.

I downloaded the pics from my camera and wanted to add them to the ones I posted yesterday. I also have a cute video but will need to upload that on my computer. As if you care. But the way I see it, now that I’ve said it, I have to follow through and do it. Or at least feel guilty for a week or so about not doing it, or until the memory fades – whichever comes first.

The only explanation needed for these pics is that Samuel started soccer at the local YMCA on Saturday. So that’s him dressed and ready.

Oh, and the cupcakes were on Matthew’s actual birthday.

I’ve had a lot of “spinning plates” lately. Or you could say I’ve been sucking wind, barely staying afloat or pretty much any of the millions of metaphors that describe being very very busy. Too busy to blog, even, which in my world is just not okay. So thank the Lord for Labor Day because I am finally catching my breath!

If you are a single mom reading this, then I would like to just pause for a moment of silence in your honor. I’ve had a few weeks of walking (sort of) in your shoes and I have almost died several times. Once when I was trying to surf the internet while driving 75 mph on the Tollroad (I know, I know – lesson learned) and once from almost dozing off while rushing through the crazy drop-off line at school at the unreasonable hour of 7:30am. Okay, it was 7:50. Maybe 7:55. But still, who can negotiate traffic that early in the morning??? Before my second cup of coffee??? Seems almost inhumane to me. At the very least, unamerican.

But since I lived to blog about the last two weeks, here are some pics of Matthew’s birthday at school, my lunch w/him at Macaroni Grill, Samuel’s first day of preschool and whatever else I find in my photo log. Enjoy.